I’ve had an epiphany: The Republican candidates don’t like having sex. I know it sounds ridiculous (who doesn’t like sex?), but it explains so much! They are all so hell bent on ruining all things other people find pleasurable, that it seems quite clear to me that this vendetta stems from sheer jealousy and confusion. Imagine the kid on the playground who knocks another kid’s popsicle into the dirt because he didn’t have one; that’s what’s happening here.
The Republican candidates, having never had good sex, are baffled by all this pleasurable sex people keep talking about. It doesn’t seem fair, since whatever they’re doing behind closed doors doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun. Jealous, they swat at everybody else’s popsicles until nobody has a delicious treat.
It’s a very Grinch-like mentality; if I can’t enjoy it, than neither can you. From Santorum, “Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”
The implication is that sex is not supposed to be had for fun, even with the context of a monogamous, heterosexual marriage! How sad is that?!
In conclusion, it is clear to me that the Republican candidates for President just need to get laid. And good. Any volunteers?
Related Post: Well, Herman Cain seemed to know how to have a good time. Too bad those women he harassed weren’t on board.
Related Post: When I think a politician’s sex life is fair game. Hardly ever.