No Apologies

This week at Role/Reboot, I wrote about apologizing. Specifically, why I sneak “I’m sorry” into conversations–at work, at home, with friends, with strangers–when there’s really nothing to apologize for. Women tend to be pleasers (though not all of them, of course), and the constant apology is a symptom of that. Fine in the short term, not so good in the long run.

I joked with my editor this morning that every time I catch myself apologizing unnecessarily, I should throw a quarter in a jar somewhere. When it fills up, I’ll donate it to Emily’s List or some other pro-woman organization. I guess the incentives there are a little confused…

Related Post: Do you find my breasts offensive?

Related Post: Happy Equal Pay day.



Filed under Gender, Republished!

5 responses to “No Apologies

  1. I do the same thing. It’s possibly even worse if you were raised Southern. I also tend to soften statements of fact by saying “I think”–a habit I never noticed until a flight student said, “You’re the instructor. You’re supposed to KNOW.” That’s when I started to grasp how my hedging and apologizing sounded to men.
    As always, I love your post. -K

  2. Excellent article! While I don’t tend to explicitly say “sorry”, in emails I sometimes find myself watering down the things that I say with a smiley face, worried that I’ll sound too commanding. I’m trying to stop though. You’re right, this is very much a female thing – when society raises one gender to be assertive, and another to be unobtrusive pleasers, it sets the stage up perfectly for gender oppression.

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