Tag Archives: Josh

Guy Friends

Today is a shout-out day to my good friends Josh, Aaron, and Kate (who you know from Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things). The three of them are collaborating (and it is, indeed, a dream team) on a new podcast called Guy Friends.

Josh and Aaron are the consummate “guy friends”. They will tell you when you’re being weird, when you’re being played, and why you should be terrified of glass shower doors.

Each episode features the guys answering listener questions about sex and dating, and I’d be lying if I told you that at least one of the many Emily’s mentioned isn’t me (But which one is it!?). Josh and Aaron take each question seriously, as they should, but with just the right amount of sass and skepticism (see the podcast on non-sexual hairbrushing).

You should send them some questions, because they are some pretty smart dudes and they will tell it to you straight. For example: When should you have the STD talk with a new partner? Answer: When no one has an erection.

Email them at guyfriendspodcast at gmail dot com, or leave a voicemail at (773) 234-BROS.

Related Post: My views on dating of the online variety. Hint: No shirtless pics.

Related Post: In episode 1, Josh and Aaron tackle the issue of the check. Here’s what I had to say.

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Filed under Gender, Media

Josh: “In jobland you’re straight makin’ cheddar”

Yesterday, I wrote about the Clay Shirkey essay on gender, ambition, and being a douchebag. Short version: Being an arrogant asshole will land you in jail more often, but it will also land you big money/influence/power more often.

My friend Josh gchatted me about the article, and I think you might find the whole convo an interesting follow up to yesterday’s post:

josh: i read you’re post, it’s good
me: what post?
josh: the being cocky post
me: ah
  yeah
  i need to figure out how to do that
  before i try asking for a raise
josh: “we both know that i’m the shit, give me more to do and more money to do it”
me: yes, that’s the atttitude
  but i literally don’t know what words to say
josh: turn each of those clauses into like 4 sentences a peice
me: lol
josh: don’t use “I think” or “I could/would”
  use I am, I will
me: i need to practice
josh: maybe that would help
   but that’s just an admission that you have something to be nervous about
me: well, that’s how i feel!
josh: and when you’re confident, you’re not nervous about shit
 yeah, but you shouldn’t be
  you’re not going to get fired for asking for more responsibility, so there are no stakes
  and when there are no stakes, there’s nothing to worry about
me: that is the most male thing i’ve ever heard
  because in girl land
  there are stakes
  and the stakes are
  what if they don’t like me?
josh: yeah, but that doesn’t make sense in jobland
me: i realize this is EXACTLY the point of Shirkey’s essay
  i don’t want to be seen as arrogant
  or overstepping
josh: in jobland you’re straight makin’ cheddar
me: right
  it’s just a hurdle that i have to get over
  and i will
  and if he thinks i’m being arrogant, well, it doesn’t actually matter
josh: yeah man
me: easier said than done
 um… can i copy this convo into a blog post? at least the part of it at the end?
josh: oh, sure
me: cool
 it illustrates so clearly the exact difference i was talking about!
josh: yeah i see it
me: you see no stakes, i see public perception stakes
josh: what matters re: a boss is ultimately their perception of you as a hustler
  and you will be displaying that
me: this is obvious to you, it’s not obvious to everyone
kj
So what did we learn? 
1. It’s dangerous being my friend… I’ll take your gchats public.
2. In Josh’ world, stakes are purely professional. In my world, stakes are both professional and social. I want to be successful, but I also want to be liked. I want my smiling face and positive attitude to be a conduit to promotion, but that’s not really how it works. Arrogance, ambition, and a little bravado are better bets, even if those qualities impact my popularity. I suspect that those traits aren’t as admired in women as they are in men. The question is, am I will to dock myself the team-player points which make me well-liked in favor of a few BAMF points that might leader to bigger and better things?
kj
Related Post: Are millenial ladies quitters? What an idiotic article.
ljk
Related Post: Advice from unlikely sources, like this make-up artist!

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Filed under Gender