Tag Archives: slut

Sunday Scraps 50

1. LAW: The New Yorker has a fascinating piece on the true story behind the Lawrence vs. Texas case. Who was Lawrence, and who was the other guy, and what was actually going on? Hint: It’s not what you think.

2. TELEVISION: In the midst of 8 gazillion March Madness style tournements, Grantland is running one pitting characters from The Wire against one another. My money’s on Obama’s #1 seed.

3. POLITICS: Alternet has helpfully curated a list of the 11 dumbest things Republicans have said about women (recently).

4. DATING: xkcd tackles pick-up culture and hits the nail on the head. Gentlemen, we know what you’re up to.

5. LANGUAGE: From Buzzfeed, a chart tracking the usage of the word “slut” in recent years.

6. WORLD: Does four years with an American president feel like a long time? The Economist compares the average tenure of our leaders to the rest of the world.

Related Post: Last Sunday, we had a Lena Dunham interview, 1938 dating advice and 6 houses in Chicago.

Related Post: Two Sundays ago, Zilla marches, feminist pornographers, and Jonathan Lethem on copyright.

2 Comments

Filed under Gender, Hollywood, Media, Politics, Really Good Writing by Other People

Sunday Scraps 44

1. POLITICS: Presidential candidacies meet the logic of online dating at USA Today. Choose your issues, rank their importance, see who your dream date to the White House is.

2. TWEEN: Who doesn’t love a precocious kid spouting eloquent, passionate, articulated arguments against slut-shaming and rape culture? She’s a rock star.

3. COLBERT: Super fascinating article from the NYT on the many faces of Stephen Colbert. What happens when a fictional character starts meddling in real world politics with real money and real influence?

4. CHO: On Jezebel, Margaret Cho rips her asinine critics to pieces after their body snarking gets out of hand. “I want to punish you with the unforgettable shit you will take to your grave and hurt you long after you are dead in the ground. may my poison bore holes in your dry, decaying bones. I am not proud of this, but it’s just the way this life has made me.”

5. LIBRARY: The Milwaukee Public Library has a new promotional campaign. Copyranter has the scoop.

6. BOOTYCALL: (NSFW!) From Fleshbot, here are pretty logical rules and regs for healthy, happy booty-calling.

Related Post: Sunday 43 = Jimmy Fallon as Russel Brand, movie makeovers, and Private Danny Chen.

Related Post: Sunday 42 = Toddlers on marketing, religious sex toys, Penelope Trunk on abuse.

2 Comments

Filed under Advertising, Body Image, Books, Gender, Hollywood, Media, Politics, Really Good Writing by Other People, Sex

Guest Post: “Dude, I Don’t Know Whether to Think You’re a Slut or a Player”

Remember Bryn? She’s the one who alerted me to my very brief moment of Autostraddle celebrity? She’s a beast at so many things, but lucky for you, one of them is writing about gender assumptions, sexuality, and language. Don’t believe me? Read her guest post about how her suavity with the ladies confused a male friend:

*       *        *        *

I was hanging out with a male friend a while back and catching him up on my life, which mostly involved detailing a number of my recent sexual exploits, when he remarked, “Dude, I don’t know whether to think you’re a slut or a player.”

I paused, taken aback, then laughed it off.  “Well, maybe I’m both,” I joked.  “But anyway, so, the next morning…”

At the time I didn’t dwell much on it, but I’ve returned to that conversation quite a bit since then.  His comment was offhand and I’m sure he meant it as a joke, yet I can’t seem to let it go.  It unsettles me that my identity is, in his eyes, bifurcated: I sleep with women, therefore my sexuality is impressive; I am a woman, therefore my sexuality is shameful.

Normative framing of sexual behavior relies on gendered tropes of conquest, assertiveness, and mastery for men, and passivity and restraint for women.  The terms “slut” and “player” derive their power and meaning from social expectations that position men as pursuers who “score” when they get laid, and women as meek recipients of romantic attention whose moral fiber is considered suspect if they “give it up” too often.  This heteronormative framework is the dominant cultural idiom and most of us operate within it at least to some extent on a daily basis, relying on it to both guide our own behavioral decision-making and to police the actions and desires of others.

My failure to conform to this idiom was jarring to my friend.  His instinct was to categorize my promiscuity as slutty, but since my desire was directed toward other women – an orientation we have in common – that initial instinct conflicted with his impulse to congratulate me on my demonstrations of sexual prowess, as he might have if I were a male friend.  My behavior was consistent with what would be considered acceptable if I were one of his guy buddies, but inconsistent with what he understood to be socially appropriate behavior for a female peer, and his ambivalent response reflected his confusion at these unresolved judgements.

My own feelings about my friend’s reaction are mixed: on the one hand, I resent that he may never treat me in quite the same way he treats his close male friends, simply because I am a woman and my behavior and expressions of desire are therefore anomalous to him.  On the other hand, much as there is a part of me that sometimes wants to be “one of the guys,” and hopes to be validated for the success of my sexual pursuits, I don’t actually want to disempower the women I sleep with by treating them as conquests, any more than I want to be disempowered myself.  Because it prevents my sexuality from being easily pigeon-holed, therefore, my exclusion from the normative framework of sexual behavior is ultimately probably a good thing.

Related Post: My GMP article about why going down is often a one-way street.

Related Post: Do you hope your child will be straight? Is that a problem?

6 Comments

Filed under Gender, Guest Posts, Sex

The Unexpected Sexualization of Halloween

I know what you’re thinking. At this point there’s nothing unexpected about the sexualization of Halloween. Every year, parents pen the requisite outraged editorials about slutty nurse costumes for 8-year-olds and Jezebel publishes their favorite sexy costumes (this year’s winner? In my mind, it’s a toss-up between Slutty Nemo and Slutty Watermelon). Grown women fight over mid-riff baring latex costumes and uniformed workers nationwide roll their eyes at the slutification of their chosen professions. This much is decidedly past expected and has veered into old-news.

But this, this I have never seen before:

A pornographic pumpkin carving kit. Who knew?

And no, I did not purchase it. Yet.

Related Post: How young is too young to be featured in a sexy fashion editorial?

Related Post: Why I was Rosie the Riveter for Halloween last year.

8 Comments

Filed under Sex

Padlocks and Keys as Analogies for Sex. Ick.

Super cool news to be filed under dreams-do-come-true: My GMP piece Monday, the letter to my brother about hook-up culture was reposted on Jezebel yesterday. To top it all off, it was the featured story in Jezebel’s daily email. The response has been overwhelmingly positive, with the exception of a few GMP commenters who wanted a venue to discuss some pretty ugly hostility towards women who, for I’m sure a huge variety of reasons, have declined to sleep with them over the years.

Somehow, in all my reading about gender, sex, cultural norms, I’ve managed to avoid one sickening analogy that a commenter pulled out:

To put it simply: since women get to do the choosing of which mate they will have, they are analogous to a lock, and men are analogous to a key. A key that can open many locks is a good key. But a lock that is opened by many keys is a poor lock. If feminists want PUA’s [pick up artists] to be less successful, then they should instead instruct women to stop “giving it up” for such superfluous reasons.

Yeeesh. I barely know where to start, so let’s itemize:

1. Women don’t get to choose which mate they will have. What does that even mean? “Mates,” if we want to call them that, have to choose each other. That was kind of my whole point about consent vs. coercion. Women may have more options in some circumstances, but let’s not pretend that every woman can point to any man she wants and say, “hey you!” and expect a satisfying sexual experience.

2. I may never look at a lock and key the same way again. This analogy gives me the heebie-jeebies, probably because of the forceful entry images it keeps conjuring in my brain. Differing anatomy aside, the way that men and women should approach each other is fundamentally the same: honesty + respect + humor (in my personal opinion). Best response came from twitter: “Best lock is a combination lock, no key needed.” I like that a lot better as long as both people are combination locks. It takes a certain set of criteria (and everyone’s are different) to make some magic happen.

3. Feminists don’t “instruct” women to do anything. Feminists are not some cultish network of witches that periodically issue proclamations to all ladyfolk. Feminists sure as shit don’t try to tell other women what constitutes a “good” reason to sleep with someone and what constitutes a “superfluous” reason.

4. Can we please have a moratorium on the expression “giving it up?” It makes me squeamish, almost as much as when Monica refers to her virginity as a “flower.” Ick. Nobody is giving anybody anything, and they aren’t losing anything in the process, either. Duh.

Related Post: AskMen has determined exactly how many partners makes you promiscuous.

Related Post: But how old is she reaaaally?

7 Comments

Filed under Gender, Republished!, Sex

Sunday Scraps 25

1. ART: Slate has a slide show of Alexa Meade’s “human canvases.” She paints on real live human beings to make them look like paintings of humans.  Take another look at that picture above; that is a real dude on a subway platform.

2. LIBRARY: One Canadian library is combating the decline in readership by loaning out “human experts.” Hmmmmm. From GOOD Magazine.

3. SLUT: Alida at The Frenemy very succinctly, and hilariously, explains why throwing around “slut” is bad for all women, not just the receiver of the “insult.”

4. YOGA: Yoga teacher Sarah explains to The Awl what is so annoying about yoga (onion smell, excessive hugging, show-offs, etc.) and also explains why you should do it.

5: BRAZIL: How did Brazil manage to crash it’s birth rate to lower than the United States’ so quickly? This National Geographic piece looks at the causes for the “playground slide” drop, including telenovelas!

6: REPUBLICAN 2012: Venn diagrams are fun. Especially when they come from Nate Silver and have Republican nominee candidates categorized by “electable,” “interested in running,” and “reliably conservative.”

Related Post: Sunday 24 = Andrej Pejic, English majors, dominatrix on NPR and Chicago from outer space.

Related Post: Sunday 23 = Martha Stewart loves seafoam green, douchey t-shirts, and ngrams.

3 Comments

Filed under Art, Books, Gender, Politics, Really Good Writing by Other People, Sex, Sports

“Textbook Slut”

Nope, it’s not some weird schoolgirl fetish if that’s where your mind went. Rather, “textbook slut” was a phrase used and defined in a comment on yesterday’s HowAboutWe article about the promiscuity line.

“Face it, ladies: if you’re 35 and still anywhere near as hot as you were at 20, you’re putting a LOT more work into it. If she’s still playing the field at that point, instead of having kids (or, as too many I’ve met, *in addition to* having kids), then she probably IS more concerned with adding more notches to her bedpost than to making one of them work. And that, lasses, is textbook ‘slut’.”

So glad we cleared that up… For the record, this commenter would like to assure “all you sluts foaming at the mouth” that he or she holds men to the same standard. Oh goodie. P.S. Pick a fucking pronoun, would you? Is this a second person diatribe or a third person observation?

In that vein, sometime in the next few weeks I’ll be writing about the pros and cons of sex on the first date. I would LOVE your thoughts. Feel free to leave a comment, or email sayhitorosie AT gmail.com. OR, because I’m all fancy, you can fill out a form! (Hold your applause… this is some low-budget shit up in here). The form might allow for some anonymity if you’re not in the mood to broadcast.

Related Post: This is what happened the last time I asked for your input. (Warning: SFW, but graphic writing!)

Related Post: A very different definition of “slut.” SlutWalk ’11 takes Chicago.

4 Comments

Filed under Sex